i know, it's been a long time since i've blogged. things have been hectic - as life can be - but i'm back and hopefully better than ever.
since i've been sick, there have been good days and bad ones, but for the most part the last six to eight months have been a blur. i remember the big things, and there were some BIG, big things like getting engaged, my grandmother passing away, my father having a heart attack and my sister getting married....but the day-to-day is very blurry. it's sad, you know. there have been a few times on my mad dash to Penn station where i actually looked and and got caught up in the beauty of NYC at night -- but those times have been few and far between. life over the past few months was more about getting by than stopping to smell the roses. to be honest, i am more of a stop and smell the roses type of girl.
over the thanksgiving holiday, jared and i watched the tail end of this documentary called objectified which explores our relationship with objects, how we interact with them on a day-to-day basis and how that relationship has changed and will need to change again in order to sustain what we have here on earth. anyway, there was something that someone said as he looked at this old beat up chevy truck, he said, 'i would rather wear something in than wear something out'. it sort of stuck with me. it actually solidified to me that taking time to rest and recover was what i really needed in the long run, or i would wear out for good.
when i came back from our holiday, i used this as a theme in my yoga classes. there are many times that we just push through to get to the next thing -- making things into a blur. but as yoga teaches us there is so much to be gleaned from the getting to- and being in-, that should make every moment cherishable. i reflected on my life and found that there was more of me getting worn out while i should be just getting worn in.
that subtle shift is something that i needed to gain some perspective. i had been sick for months, just pushing along and it was time to stop getting worn out. so now, i am taking some time to rest and recover and to allow life to wear me in. over the next 90 days i am not working or teaching. it will be both a relief and a challenge, but something that i need (and maybe we all need) to do. i decided to blog over these next few weeks to keep myself accountable, but also to encourage others who want to stop getting worn out.
this morning i got to take class with a beloved teacher and friend. it's funny how as a yoga teacher and full time professional the luxury of taking a class is something i almost forgot about. there's a huge difference between doing some sun salutations and poses in your bedroom to that of taking class and being in the presence of a bunch of people who really want to be there and feel whatever may come up. it was sort of exhilarating to be there and as my aching body moved, feel in the moment.
there's a difference between just working yourself to tiredness and engaging your body, mind and spirit in something in essence it's the same difference as wearing something out is to wearing something in. because no matter how simple the movement was (and it was a basic class) it brought me back to why i love this practice of yoga - off the mat and on. it's the simple feeling of being alive in your body. i know, it sounds sort of cheesy, but it's like when you just feel ok with you pains and all. i think that as my pains got worse, i got more disconnected with my body -- and it was because of fear, fear of the pain itself.
so here's a good question to ask yourself each day: are you wearing out or just getting worn in?