Sunday, August 02, 2009

bridesmaids -- jersey style.

there's no doubt that when new jerseyans do something, they really do it with gusto. this goes for wedding planning and the like. i am sure that people in other states have their own standards to live up to, but in new jersey there is a lot of pressure to perform. trust me on this one.

i arrive this afternoon at 5 minutes to noon at the david's bridal store near my house -- there's a line. now, i've been here more than a few times being that my sister and best friend got married a few months ago and the first place i went to try on dresses for my own wedding was at this exact spot. the girls in line are a motley crew of total jersey ranks. there's a lot of long straight brown hair, overexaggerated makeup and the distinct markings of tanning beds, coupled with the ubiquitous accent that puts us on the map for being just tough enough to be referred to as jersey girl (emphasis on the jerz). cue the bon jovi.

i strike up a conversation with some other girls who are out there waiting with me. we are already complaining that the sales poeple all see us and are not letting us in. i find out that the one bride in the group is there with her bmaids checking out dresses. she's getting married at some wedding place in bergen county which, i just googled, looks lovely and actually a little less wedding-factory than i expected.

the doors open and like a scene from the shoppers on black friday, the mad rush ensues.

since i've been here before, i already have a sales person who is very sweet and helpful. she greets me and asks me about some details. my sister arrives and we then start our rummaging through the dresses. i find a feather hairpiece and adopt it at mine, at least for the trip so everyone knows that I AM THE BRIDE, dammit. ;) and we do rummage they have tons and tons of dresses for every size.

the thing with being a bmaid in a wedding is that there are only about ten different possibly wearable dress styles that you can pick from, no matter who the designer. david's bridal just seems to have them all there in different sizes so you can actually see how they fit. when i went with my sis to try on dresses at other stores they had all the dress styles in size 2. right -- have you seen us jersey girls??? we could eat you for breakfast. and also, as if you don't feel bad enough that you have to be a bmaid, the damn dresses are sized so poorly that you have to go about two to four sizes up -- total boost of the self esteem.

two other bmaids arrive and it's on. i had put a bunch of dresses in the dressing rooms and basically it's total chaos. i came into this day thinking i'd be all, you can wear whatever dress you want. and after an hour of dresses that were less than flattering i thought, damn, i'm going to have to play the bridezilla card and mandate one dress to end the madness. then we spied another bmaid trying on this two piece number. it was actually a hit amongst all that were in attendance. it even can handle some major boobage and still look hot.

now in jersey while shopping for bridal dresses, you get the experience of seeing the girls that want to be a freaking princess on their wedding day try on dresses right in front of you....full on big ass dress with tiara and enough satin to let you think they'd never have a tramp stamp to cover up -- but they ALL do. this may be the best part.

i know everyone has a different style but it's so comical to see the girls with their poofy dresses and accoutraments. oh the accoutraments. i am all about accessories, don't get me wrong. but some things should have died in the 90's (see the gloves in the pic to the left). and those dresses with pick-ups for you and your bmaids. we actually saw one girl try one of those cake-topper bmaids dresses on and go -- this is it!!! i thought cinderella and belle cornered that market, girls. i am pretty sure prince charming, i mean guido, isn't going to really going to save you from your wicked stepmother and step sisters either -- but he will be driving a camaro and possibly even wear a cavaricci tux -- hmmm, do they even make those??? (ha, it's nice to see they actually have a website, complete with trance music!!)

luckily i have five awesome girls in my bridal party. all super-cool and totally fun, they'd have my back any day, as i would theirs. all but one are jersey girls, born and bred, and the non-jersey girl i am now inducting into the jersey girl hall of fame. i can do that -- that's how jersey i am.


Alpha The Great said...

we def. need some HUGE silver hoop earrings to go with the dresses, and my boyfriend Salvatore said he can hook us up with a DJ...

Bryna said...

Girls, don't forget in those hoop earrings it should say your name with diamond cuts! Way to be... JERSEY IN THE HOUSE!

nicole marie said...

glad to see you and salvatore are back togetha.

actually, the earrings will say, 'nixie's bitches'. remember, we're going for classy.

Pamela said...

If you haven't picked something out yet, may I suggest you go to Ruby and look at the Butter dress:

I wore it to my mom's wedding, and the shop ladies mentioned that a lot of people were using it as a bridesmaids dress. Not too expensive, comes in many colors, can be worn many different ways, will never go out of style, and can definitely be worn long after the wedding.