something old, something new.

my new blog is located over here now. 

take a peek.  i am still working out the theme -- let me know what you think about the background.

Wifery.

The one you marry is often your best friend; you make a pact that you'll help each other awaken. ~John Friend

The story goes, boy met girl in Chicago while girl was on bizness trip. Girl was crazy cool but lived in NJ.  Boy kept calling, emailing and texting girl despite it all.  Boy flew to visit girl in New Jersey, girl flew to visit boy in Chicago.  Boy proposed and she said -- shut up don't say that  Yes!!  The rest is history.

We got hitched on April 24, 2010 -- it was amazing.  People say your wedding is the best day of your life.  I didn't want to be disappointed so I just expected a cool day.  I was totally blown away - as I usually am when I let the Universe take care of it all.

I started the day with my dear friend and teacher, Emma, with a yoga practice in the pool room of the hotel.  There was a lot of crying and hugging and stretching.  I'm so glad I got the opportunity to have such a wise woman to set the tone for the day.

The weather was gorgeous.  The ceremony was fun and yet just what we wanted to express our love and devotion.  The reception was the best - filled with a rock star entrance, cotton candy, vintage glassware filled with flowers everywhere, a candy bar with handstamped commemorative bags and love.

It was one heck of a party to celebrate the fact that love can really change you and bring you to a new place. 

No matter how tough things get, I can always depend on us as TEAM TRAUM! If being a wife means I get a companion to live life more fully - than I am in.

xoxo

Stunt ring!

While my ring is vacationing in Florida to have her band custom fit, I
got this stunt ring to keep my hand warm.

Looks pretty real, right?

home cookin: mediterranean salmon remix

we ran some errands today and as i waited at the apple store for them to fix my iphone, i browsed cnn and found a recipe -- yes a recipe on cnn! anyways, it was in the back of my mind at our next stop, the food store, so i picked up a piece of salmon and am currently cooking it up. it smells so good and will be a treat after our restful sunday.

here's the recipe with my changes because god knows i can't follow directions completely:

Mediterranean Salmon Remix

Ingredients

1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper and some icelandic wild herbs (see below)
4 (6-ounce) skinless salmon fillets (about 1 inch thick) a big hunk of salmon will suffice
Cooking spray
2 cups cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 cup finely chopped zucchini i just sliced up about a cup or a whole regular size zucchinni
2 tablespoons capers, undrained capers (mmmmm)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 (2 1/4-ounce) can sliced ripe olives, drained we totally didn't have any olives, so they were omitted

also:

I added some finely chopped red onion to bring up the taste factor and.... half a lemon to put on after it comes out of the oven

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 425°.

2. Sprinkle salt and pepper over both sides of fish. i have this mix of wild herbs from an icelandic friend which i always put on the salmon to kick it up - it contains thyme, mint, rosemary, garlic and parsely.

3. Place fish in a single layer in an 11- x 7-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. i like to put it on piece of tin foil and then spray the foil - way easier clean up.

4. Combine tomatoes and remaining ingredients in a bowl; spoon mixture over fish.

5. Bake at 425° for 22 minutes. - def check the thickness of your salmon, i find most recipes tend to over cook it but depending on the thickness you may need to go up or down with the timing.

~~~~~~~~~~~

it was a hit at our house. cooked with some red potatoes sliced in half and coated with olive oil, garlic salt and some parmesan cheese.... it was a quick and easy meal!

this is what happens....

when you go for a run and leave your laptop open. the culprit was caught red-handed orange-pawed when i found the comma key in his mouth.

and what did i do?? i smacked him on the butt and later cuddled with him on the couch. i am officially a cat person.

we always had pets growing up....cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, fish, chickens and goats -- most of which were outdoor pets. it's a whole new world having an inside cat in our apartment.

i was very reticent about jared bringing his cat, cathcart, from chicago when he moved here. she and i had a rocky relationship which didn't get better until just near the end of her life. some say she knew she was dying and reconciled with me to get into kitty heaven, but i think she just had to make sure i was the right girl for your long-time beau and my future husband. unfortunately, she passed away a few months ago from lymphoma.

it was totally out of character for me to want a cat. we rescued heathie, and honestly just seeing him in this house filled with cats and this look on his face, made me melt. he was a mess, covered in fleas, whiskers all mangled but he had this cute disposition and enough personality for me to know he was a perfect fit. and now, here i am a cat lady (not the plastic surgery kind). i see it as practice for having kids -- i just hope our children are not nearly as mischievous!!

the laptop is fixed, and he's onto better things like hiding my makeup brushes and glasses, or getting locked in the closet. the thing is, i am home now on leave and he keeps me company, and keeps things interesting. they always say that pets help people stay healthy, like when older people get a dog or something, and i totally believe it. he definitely could and has staying cuddled in bed all day,but he also likes to be there nudging me along on the yoga mat or when i am making a craft. it's nice to let something into my life and share it.

diagnosis.

It's been a while since I checked in. Truth is, I tried to write a few blogs, but my mind was too fuzzy. The last two weeks went by pretty quickly and now I am finding a rythym to keep things moving forward. After a long time of going to doctors and complaining of pain, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last week. You probably have heard of it from the Lyrica commercials where the woman talks about how it hurts all over -- that could have been me talking.

It wasn't much of a surprise since I started to really hone in on the spots that were giving me the most pain. I would wake up with incredible pain in my elbows, my neck and shoulders were in a constant state of tension and my low back was tender. Apparently all part of the sensitivity points to diagnose fibro (see the image to the right courtesy of wikipedia). It's thought that the nerves are in over drive. It makes sense to me, since after taking the medicine, things all over seem less tense. There were parts of my body that were numb or tingly all the time and that is starting to dissipate.

I have heard that it's common to go through the diagnosis stream of lyme to chronic fatigue to fibromyalgia because the last two are what they call diagnoses of exclusion. Trust me, there is nothing exclusive about it. It's been almost a year of visiting doctors and specialists to be told that it's nothing. That and the fact that on the outside I look fairly normal which caused family, friend and coworkers to question the validity of me being sick. It was a bummer on all accounts. Luckily, Jared has been so supportive and in fact was the person who pushed me to go to more doctors when I still didn't feel well.

So now what do I do? I'm not totally sure. I took my first Lyrica pill on Friday night and woke up Saturday feeling like I ate a pot brownie and had no pain. It was euphoric and wonderful. I took a yoga class, had lunch with some girls and then even accompanied Jared to pick out the tuxes. Then, there was the crash. The pain slowly snuck back, it was time for me to take another pill and things sort of subsided, but I was beat!

Today I realized that I need to be really sensitive to my body and where it's at on a given day. I can't jump back into life just because I feel 'better' -- feeling that euphoric high isn't really a cure either. I am sure there will be some time to get used to this drug in my system, but for now, I am just trying to live a life where I participate but also know my boundaries and when to just step back and rest. That's a tough one.

When I took class yesterday, it was my class -- the one I have taught for almost four years! So it was interesting to step in and be on the other side. I am lucky to have a great teacher and friend taking over the class while I am gone, so I had no reservations about not being the teacher, I think I just found it neat to be a student amongst my own students; it was rather liberating.

I had taken a class a few weeks ago with my dear teacher and the theme was subject vs. object in which we explored the idea that usually we are the subject in life. But what happens when we allow that which is around us to be the subject as we assume the object role? Think about it, in our lives, we are the subject, but sometimes we need to step back and just let things be -- step out of that giving role and allow yourself to receive. Being sick has shown me that it's ok to let down your guard and just rest when you need to, or you will just wear out. There are a few times when we are called to be the object that I can think of and those are in learning and healing. (I am sure there are many more, but we usually find a way to make ourselves the subject.)

Ironically in the my Saturday class we went to kick up into handstands at the wall and I was not quite making it. I had a couple of failed attempts where I got just up to the wall but my legs flailed and so I came down. It was part lack of practice and part drug-induced lack of balance. I assisted some other students into the pose and returned to my mat. As I returned to the mat, a lovely student asked me if I wanted an assist. I didn't take long to think about it, but when I replied, I had this happy grin. With a quick kick I was up at the wall and then balancing, but the best part is that I didn't have to be the subject, I just got to be a part of it. Something about that moment made me feel like I was just in the right place.

wearing in vs. wearing out

i know, it's been a long time since i've blogged. things have been hectic - as life can be - but i'm back and hopefully better than ever.

since i've been sick, there have been good days and bad ones, but for the most part the last six to eight months have been a blur. i remember the big things, and there were some BIG, big things like getting engaged, my grandmother passing away, my father having a heart attack and my sister getting married....but the day-to-day is very blurry. it's sad, you know. there have been a few times on my mad dash to Penn station where i actually looked and and got caught up in the beauty of NYC at night -- but those times have been few and far between. life over the past few months was more about getting by than stopping to smell the roses. to be honest, i am more of a stop and smell the roses type of girl.

over the thanksgiving holiday, jared and i watched the tail end of this documentary called objectified which explores our relationship with objects, how we interact with them on a day-to-day basis and how that relationship has changed and will need to change again in order to sustain what we have here on earth. anyway, there was something that someone said as he looked at this old beat up chevy truck, he said, 'i would rather wear something in than wear something out'. it sort of stuck with me. it actually solidified to me that taking time to rest and recover was what i really needed in the long run, or i would wear out for good.

when i came back from our holiday, i used this as a theme in my yoga classes. there are many times that we just push through to get to the next thing -- making things into a blur. but as yoga teaches us there is so much to be gleaned from the getting to- and being in-, that should make every moment cherishable. i reflected on my life and found that there was more of me getting worn out while i should be just getting worn in.

that subtle shift is something that i needed to gain some perspective. i had been sick for months, just pushing along and it was time to stop getting worn out. so now, i am taking some time to rest and recover and to allow life to wear me in. over the next 90 days i am not working or teaching. it will be both a relief and a challenge, but something that i need (and maybe we all need) to do. i decided to blog over these next few weeks to keep myself accountable, but also to encourage others who want to stop getting worn out.

this morning i got to take class with a beloved teacher and friend. it's funny how as a yoga teacher and full time professional the luxury of taking a class is something i almost forgot about. there's a huge difference between doing some sun salutations and poses in your bedroom to that of taking class and being in the presence of a bunch of people who really want to be there and feel whatever may come up. it was sort of exhilarating to be there and as my aching body moved, feel in the moment.

there's a difference between just working yourself to tiredness and engaging your body, mind and spirit in something in essence it's the same difference as wearing something out is to wearing something in. because no matter how simple the movement was (and it was a basic class) it brought me back to why i love this practice of yoga - off the mat and on. it's the simple feeling of being alive in your body. i know, it sounds sort of cheesy, but it's like when you just feel ok with you pains and all. i think that as my pains got worse, i got more disconnected with my body -- and it was because of fear, fear of the pain itself.

so here's a good question to ask yourself each day: are you wearing out or just getting worn in?

Only in NY: subway ninja

strike a pose.

jared and i headed out with our total rock star photographer this past weekend for some engagement photos at storm king sculpture park.
i made a nerdy little slide show for your viewing pleasure. don't pay attention to the depressing lyrics of such an upbeat song (beck's always good for tricking you into thinking a song is happy when it is sad) we just wanted an upbeat tune to go with the upbeat photos.

hopefully the video worked...it's my first time making one of these things!

cheers to better health and crazy kittens.

ok, so here we are a mere seven months before getting hitched and i am sick. and not just flu or cold sorta sick.... i have lyme disease. and let me tell you it sucks. it sucks because i am not sick enough to stay at home and really rest and yet i have a hard time reading a long document and coming up with the right words to say in the middle of a sentence. it's really bad when you are explaining that you have a bunch of stuff that needs to be thrown out of that....that...what's the word --- oh yeah file cabinet. i mix things up and get tired really easily. last night i went to whole foods for coffee and totally forgot what i was there for -- ended up coming home with soy milk, tempeh and flowers.... and no coffee.

luckily i now have a reason why i have been so out of it and feeling so crappy. and it is definitely consoling to hear after multiple drs visits over at least the past year that i did not make up this stuff in my head. i am also lucky that wookie pushed me to find a new doctor and go in when my hands and feet were all pins and needles (read: called and made the appt for me). he takes that in sickness and in health thing very seriously!!

it's been two weeks of super duper antibiotics and all i have to show for it is a little more stamina, a lot less sleep and a growing addiction to probiotics. but i am on the mend!! one more week of antibiotics to go then a visit to the neurologist and infectious disease doc (i am that cool). i have my wookie and my little man, heathcliff (look at how cute and big he is!!) to keep me company and make sure i take my meds.

in the meantime, life goes on. work is totally picking up! i haven't been able to do much yoga but it's a good time to reflect and still teach. we also are still full steam ahead with the wedding planning. we even got to go to a sip and scan event at macy's where jared got lots of glutinous goodies while i scanned more items onto the registry. then when we were ready to leave, we got a gift of two nice wine glasses!

so.....cheers to better health.