Wifery.

The one you marry is often your best friend; you make a pact that you'll help each other awaken. ~John Friend

The story goes, boy met girl in Chicago while girl was on bizness trip. Girl was crazy cool but lived in NJ.  Boy kept calling, emailing and texting girl despite it all.  Boy flew to visit girl in New Jersey, girl flew to visit boy in Chicago.  Boy proposed and she said -- shut up don't say that  Yes!!  The rest is history.

We got hitched on April 24, 2010 -- it was amazing.  People say your wedding is the best day of your life.  I didn't want to be disappointed so I just expected a cool day.  I was totally blown away - as I usually am when I let the Universe take care of it all.

I started the day with my dear friend and teacher, Emma, with a yoga practice in the pool room of the hotel.  There was a lot of crying and hugging and stretching.  I'm so glad I got the opportunity to have such a wise woman to set the tone for the day.

The weather was gorgeous.  The ceremony was fun and yet just what we wanted to express our love and devotion.  The reception was the best - filled with a rock star entrance, cotton candy, vintage glassware filled with flowers everywhere, a candy bar with handstamped commemorative bags and love.

It was one heck of a party to celebrate the fact that love can really change you and bring you to a new place. 

No matter how tough things get, I can always depend on us as TEAM TRAUM! If being a wife means I get a companion to live life more fully - than I am in.

xoxo

dresses, dresses and more dresses!!!

ok, so everyone wants to know about the dress....of course you do.

i may or may not have one at this point.

i also may be addicted to trying on dresses. who knows. it's just so fun. i can't stop myself. trust me, when you are in this position you will probably do the same!

head over to my bridal blog at the Wedding Chicks to read my post about the dress decisions!! please leave me some comments and suggestions on the wedding chicks page!!

and jared, you are NOT to look at that link. it's nsfw (not safe for wookies).

bridal blogger!!!

woo hoo, i was chosen to be a wedding chicks bridal blogger!!

i will be posting some wedding-related blogs over at weddingchicks.com. check it out, it's a very swank site that has lots of cool wedding ideas and planning tips!!

my posts can be found here.

bridesmaids -- jersey style.

there's no doubt that when new jerseyans do something, they really do it with gusto. this goes for wedding planning and the like. i am sure that people in other states have their own standards to live up to, but in new jersey there is a lot of pressure to perform. trust me on this one.

i arrive this afternoon at 5 minutes to noon at the david's bridal store near my house -- there's a line. now, i've been here more than a few times being that my sister and best friend got married a few months ago and the first place i went to try on dresses for my own wedding was at this exact spot. the girls in line are a motley crew of total jersey ranks. there's a lot of long straight brown hair, overexaggerated makeup and the distinct markings of tanning beds, coupled with the ubiquitous accent that puts us on the map for being just tough enough to be referred to as jersey girl (emphasis on the jerz). cue the bon jovi.

i strike up a conversation with some other girls who are out there waiting with me. we are already complaining that the sales poeple all see us and are not letting us in. i find out that the one bride in the group is there with her bmaids checking out dresses. she's getting married at some wedding place in bergen county which, i just googled, looks lovely and actually a little less wedding-factory than i expected.

the doors open and like a scene from the shoppers on black friday, the mad rush ensues.

since i've been here before, i already have a sales person who is very sweet and helpful. she greets me and asks me about some details. my sister arrives and we then start our rummaging through the dresses. i find a feather hairpiece and adopt it at mine, at least for the trip so everyone knows that I AM THE BRIDE, dammit. ;) and we do rummage they have tons and tons of dresses for every size.

the thing with being a bmaid in a wedding is that there are only about ten different possibly wearable dress styles that you can pick from, no matter who the designer. david's bridal just seems to have them all there in different sizes so you can actually see how they fit. when i went with my sis to try on dresses at other stores they had all the dress styles in size 2. right -- have you seen us jersey girls??? we could eat you for breakfast. and also, as if you don't feel bad enough that you have to be a bmaid, the damn dresses are sized so poorly that you have to go about two to four sizes up -- total boost of the self esteem.

two other bmaids arrive and it's on. i had put a bunch of dresses in the dressing rooms and basically it's total chaos. i came into this day thinking i'd be all, you can wear whatever dress you want. and after an hour of dresses that were less than flattering i thought, damn, i'm going to have to play the bridezilla card and mandate one dress to end the madness. then we spied another bmaid trying on this two piece number. it was actually a hit amongst all that were in attendance. it even can handle some major boobage and still look hot.

now in jersey while shopping for bridal dresses, you get the experience of seeing the girls that want to be a freaking princess on their wedding day try on dresses right in front of you....full on big ass dress with tiara and enough satin to let you think they'd never have a tramp stamp to cover up -- but they ALL do. this may be the best part.

i know everyone has a different style but it's so comical to see the girls with their poofy dresses and accoutraments. oh the accoutraments. i am all about accessories, don't get me wrong. but some things should have died in the 90's (see the gloves in the pic to the left). and those dresses with pick-ups for you and your bmaids. we actually saw one girl try one of those cake-topper bmaids dresses on and go -- this is it!!! i thought cinderella and belle cornered that market, girls. i am pretty sure prince charming, i mean guido, isn't going to really going to save you from your wicked stepmother and step sisters either -- but he will be driving a camaro and possibly even wear a cavaricci tux -- hmmm, do they even make those??? (ha, it's nice to see they actually have a website, complete with trance music!!)

luckily i have five awesome girls in my bridal party. all super-cool and totally fun, they'd have my back any day, as i would theirs. all but one are jersey girls, born and bred, and the non-jersey girl i am now inducting into the jersey girl hall of fame. i can do that -- that's how jersey i am.

take the money and run.

last night we paid the 1/3 deposit of the catering bill for the wedding. jared picked up the check from my dad and we then went together to meet with our caterers and finalize some things. my thoughts were....really??? this is so much money.

when looking at all the costs, even from a very frugal approach, getting married costs a lot. there are lots of little things, too. little things that the boys don't think about. since we are going a non-traditional route for the site, there are extra little costs and details here and there. i like having input and even using my own two hands at creating the scene of our wedding.

when we first got engaged, jared was convinced that we could throw a pretty nice wedding for around $10k. i was convinced otherwise, but like most things concerning reality, i had to sit back and wait for it to settle in for him we are well over double that with our very modest plans. (note: the average cost of a wedding is nj is around $30k) i knew just from my sisters frugal planning that it wouldn't be easy to not spend a lot, esp with all the people that we want to invite. with family alone we are close to 100 guests!! add in some friends and it starts to get out of hand.

currently, the guest list is over 200 which is NOT happening. i think this might be the most painful part of the process. friends, if you are reading this, know that if you aren't invited, it's not bc i don't love you. jared and i have so many friends we could have a separate, grandiose wedding just with them!

i keep coming back in my mind to the scene of a friends wedding about ten years ago. we had worked together and she was a bit older than myself. the wedding was at the brentwood which is a sort of wedding-factory near where we now live. the wedding was crazy and loud. lots of food, lots of music, lots of people i didn't know. by the time she got to our table, she looked exhausted and as we hugged she whispered in my ear....when you are ready to get married -- just elope!

i still couldn't resist asking jared if we could just take the deposit and go elope in hawaii (since he want to go there so damn bad, more on that later)-- saving ourselves from some impending drama. jared didn't like that idea much. i had to try, right? the check exchanged hands and as we walked out of the restaurant we both looked at eachother with a bit of frienzy and giggled....we're really getting married!!


be prepared.
i consider myself a pretty good thrower of parties, so this should be pretty kick ass.

next up.

now that my sister's wedding is done, the attention and hysteria has shifted to me and jared. even at becca's wedding, about every other person made a note that, 'youuuuuuu're next!!'

our engagement party invites went out earlier this week and so, i am sure there will be lots of unexpected nagging and prodding -- it's already started over what cake-topper, serving set, type of candles, color of dresses, types of flowers, number of guests and anything else you can think of.

overall, i am pretty psyched. jared is even getting really excited. we met with our caterer last night to go over the menu and it's going to be awesome. we are even going to have a french fry table!!! a freaking french fry table with different dipping sauces.

since we are having the wedding at a non-traditional place we get to do all the planning. and though i opted to not have a planner -- luckily our caterer handles all the coordination on the day of-- the details can be fun but also time and $ consuming. being a frugal and creative person, i plan on diy-ing a lot of the wedding. luckily i have a mother, a sister and a mother-in-law-to-be who are all crafty.

here are some ideas on my diy projects:

• sweets/candy bar. this one is pretty straight forward. we are going to get some cool retro-esque candy, i will bake some choc chip cookies and then i thought we could also get some mini-cupcakes to serve along with those. i found two really cool old glass jars that will give it a candy store sort of feel. if you have any you can lend us, that would be great!

• diy flower bouquets and boutinieers. this seems pretty easy. i just watched a video on the process which really took a lot of the mystery out of it. this is something i think the bridal party could do together the day before. having five girls in the bridal party can definitely add up with all the bouquets, corsages and boutineers. i have to scope out the flower market and then decide whether i should go that route or one of the many online bulk sites. again, reccommendations are totally welcome.

• favors. not sure what these will be, but i have a whole bunch of ideas bookmarked. this will be a fun project for the family to help me with.

so i am excited.... we have 309 days of fun planning and projects left. for now, we are looking forward to the engagement party at my dad's house in a few weeks!!

btw, we did pick some colors. since i really wanted jared to be a part of this we ended up going to look at invitation colors for inspiration. he really liked the silver and navy combo, as did i. we ended up picking those colors. i was inspired by this martha stewart pallette (see pic to the right).

i've already picked up some ribbon in that cool mossy aqua color. and my dress will not be blue, but i am sure there will be something blue involved. i also think that creamy white and peachy pink flowers will really compliment this combo. that means that the ladies will get to wear either a dark gray or navy.

wedding bells.

Congratulations Jamie and Steve!!!

this past friday was an exciting trek into the city via the ferry and a cab to experience the nyc city hall in all it's glory -- then
back to the chart house for an amazing meal.

maid of honor.

in the next two weeks i will be maid of honor in two - count them - two weddings. not sure how i feel about this; one is pretty chill, and the other is not so chill. tomorrow i get to chill, and by chill i mean take a ferry to city hall and watch my bff get hitched to a pretty stellar guy. she's going all out full wedding dress and her two daughters as flower girls. i just hope the predicted thunderstorms hold off a bit.

i am having 5 girls in my wedding party -- is that too much? is it bad that i want them to wear black? what if i morph into a bridezilla and mandate pink taffeta -- what if? and what's up with having to 'pick my colors' now? why do people have to make this whole wedding planning thing a pain in the ass? i will remind you that i am getting married next april, not next week!

also, tonight my rents meet jared's rents. hopefully cathcart will behave herself.

louder than bombs.

jared and i attended church (this was the first time as a couple). i am conflicted on many levels about the whole world of church, but that's a subject for another blog entry. at the first reformed church of pompton plains, nj, the church of choice for my late grandmother, we joined my father and stepmother for the memorial day service. we were also there to meet with the pastor -- a woman, with hippie and Buddhist tendencies-- who we've asked to officiate our wedding. getting married brings up lots of life questions, and though jared and i are open, spiritual people the question of who could marry us was a bit of an enigma.

i met pastor kathleen the day of my grandmother's funeral; it was a sad day. i am inclined to be a crier, have been since i was a child, so this day was sure to be a doozey. here i sat with my father, my uncles and their wives. i felt like i got asked to the adult table for the first time and i wasn't going to screw it up. but then again we are talking about death and dealing with it, and let's face it all my fears and insecurities are rooted in the fact that one day all the people in the room, whom i love dearly, are going to pass on and usually just thinking of that mere possibility sends me into hyperventilation-mode. anyway, pastor kathleen was calm, cool and collected -- much unlike myself, but she definitely helped to calm me down.

she went through the motions of setting up and personalizing grandma's funeral service and then when we were all left with an unsettling silence/sobbing, she went on to explain death in the most simple and eloquent way ever. it was clearly (to me) a Buddhists perspective which explained a constant pulsation of painless perfection that is in all of us, that gets littered by the weight of the world to the point that we feel pain and suffering. and death, she explained was an ultimate letting go of that baggage, that pain and suffering.

i was impressed. my experiences of people who are christian are usually contained and textbook, that is, they would not be able to hold such a perspective and call themselves a christian let alone be a pastor. it was refreshing and encouraging to someone who never had any example of someone that could hold such beliefs at the same time. so it was a natural choice to ask her to perform our ceremony, and as an added bonus, it will honor my grandmother who would have been tickled pink that we are getting married there.

back to the service. it was full of olds. not even the type of olds i work with, but older olds. the ones who during the memorial day slide show practically stood up and saluted the flag. i have to say, it was moving -- but definitely not the type of folks i could see stepping outside of a sort of white evangelical christian perspective. there was a lot of talk of freedom coming at a price but overall i thought it was fairly restrained, suburban and conservative. i began to question if i totally misread the pastor. after the service we went up to talk to her, and then my mind was put to ease. she explained that though she was anti-war, the congregation was very old school.

upon leaving, she told us to check out her silent protest out in front on the church lawn. out in front there were about 50 flags stuck in the ground. they had signs on them with names of boys, their ages and hometowns. they represented all the boys (and i say boys bc the average age was 22) that lost their lives fighting for our country over the past few years in Afghanistan and Iraq. it was heartbreaking. we have to choose our battles, but we also have to remember the mistakes of our past. it brought a new meaning to memorial day for me.

grape escape.

along with all the craziness, there's always fun sprinkled in.

this weekend, with the help of family and friends, i wisked my bff jamie anderson out for a bachelorette party. we decided to forgo the usual debauchery and opted for a more adventure/learning party. the first stop was to a local wine making school which was way cooler than i could have imagined.

after a lot of surfing the net and conversing with jamie's sister and finacee, it was decided to go with the wine making project. the thing was, i had found this place on the web and really couldn't be sure if it was legit or lame. the first impression was a bit sketchy since it was located in an industrial park, behind a korean church. luckily we got legit and totally cool as opposed to lame. when we arrived at the grape escape (i can't decide if that name is hip or terribly unfortunate), in dayton, nj the owner greeted us and immediately handed us the scheduled printed up on a magnet. we were there for the first set in a four part process. today's mission = crushing. after about 2 minutes of introductions and overview, we were handing some of the homemade vino which was very good. nothing like a litte wine to start out your wine class!

the crushing process was very cool; we had 756 lbs of chilean malbec grapes to crush (see pic above). they were super-sweet and a dark inky color. unfortunately, we didn't get to stomp them with our feet - i love lucy style, but they said it can be done, if you do an entire barrel full -- oh and it takes about 3 hours. we moved the grapes into the crushing machine and watched them get pumped and tranformed into a big vat of pulpy grape juice. to the right is a pic of me dropping the grapes into the crusher.

after the juice (i believe in the wine-making world it's called concentrate) was made sure that the pH levels and sugar content were up to snuff. the sugar content converts about 2:1 to the amount of alcohol content in your finished product. there were some organic solvent sort of items added to assure the best color and flavor gets pulled from the juice. we mixed some more, sipped some wine and just enjoyed the whole experience. we got a tour and a taste for the other steps to come. the process goes: crushing, pressing, racking and finally bottling and labeling. you even get to design your own labels! they also offer wine tastings and bottle your own olive oil. some other people that were there making wine mentioned that the tastings are excellent and allow you to try the same wine from different barrels to actually taste the difference.

here's a pic of us all with the future hootch!
becky, kelli, pat, jamie and myself.

overall it was a great alternative to going out for a debaucherous night on the town! after the wine making we went back to my place, had some wine and cheese and then walked up to table 8 for an amazing dinner. the culminated with an adventure that involved a shopping cart, some bachelorette party decorations and a bunch of drunk girls. somehow you can take the girls out of 'the mountain' but you can't take 'the mountain' out of the girls!! best wishes jamie and steve!!!

let me bring you up to speed.

jared was here for valentine's day - our first as an engaged couple (i know, barf-city). he took my yoga class and totally kicked butt (there's a pic of us to the right just before he took class). then we went to the awesome table 8 in monty-clair for a romantic dinner. i seriously can't wait for him to be living in nj already.

so getting engaged was like a total whirlwind. all i know is that since my trip to florida for the holidays, life has blown by. there are some things i have noticed as a newly engaged person that are both pleasing and totally irritating.

ok...first off, i love the way people react when they hear i am engaged. i mean, i guess i knew they would react like this before. when i was single people would get upset for me that i didn't have a special someone...but the usual reaction is something along the lines of, 'you deserve all the happiness', or a sort of welling up congratulatory hysteria. it's awesome. and yes, jared and i are really excited. i am also realizing how many wonderful people are in my life that i get to share this happiness with from friend and family to coworkers and students it's a great experience to share.

the most exciting thing is that jared is moving here like in less than 2 weeks!! so that in itself has been a lot of work. i found us a new apartment (so long ann frank room) -- and it's awesome. i am so happy to have a real oven and a real kitchen for the first time if forever. i have already been cooking and baking more. moreover, the new place has a big bedroom, lots of windows, a dining room and an outdoor deck. plus it's right in downtown montclair. i really scored on this one. to the left is a picture of a blueberry pear pie i baked. it's gluten free - the crust is actually store bought, but i promise to make it from scratch next time. the pie filling was made with organic blueberries and agave nectar and topped with pears in the shape of a lotus flower, it was simply scrumptuous! i will definitely be experimenting with my baking expertise and other gluten, dairy and sugar free goodies! i can't wait until jared arrives with a dining room table so my entertaining can move from cushions on the floor to a proper table.

i am a 'person of action' as jared's grandpa says. all the while we have been trying to figure out the details of this whole wedding process. the day after we got engaged, we went to the book store and got a planner and it was really helpful to go over all the expectations that each of us had for a wedding before actually starting the planning. initially, we wanted a fall wedding but since my sister is getting hitched this summer, we are pushing the date out to spring 2010. that gives us lots of time to come up with fun and unique things for our big day. btw, our big day will be april 24, 2010.

that answers part of the burning question on everyone's mind. that's one of the things that kills me. seriously, can't people be engaged for like a month or two without having every possible detail planned (esp if your fiancee lives in another time zone??)?? now, the other part -- the location. we knew we didn't want a wedding at a big hall or as well call them, wedding factories. i do see the ease to doing this, since there is a lot of things to plan that a place like that covers. i wanted to have something more intimate and unique. we went through a list of places that could possibly work from wineries, to museums to whatever else anyone reccommended. our final choice was a women's club. they seem to be pretty popular out in these parts. i never really heard of them until i was planning a wedding. we looked at three: maplewood, montclair and glenridge. we decided on the glenridge women's club because it is just lovely and full of light.

so there's a lot of change in the air. i turn 31 tomorrow. i just realized that 21 was 10 years ago!! wow, time flies. 31 is decidedly better than 21. along with that comes a whole new phase to life which is at once scary and exciting. i'll keep you posted. xoxox